View Full Version : Dear Santa Please Can I have........

18-12-2006, 15:19
Dear Santa please will you bring me......

Some nice person to get up with the kids so Oggy and I can have a lie in!
Failing the above some knock out juice for Boo so she will sleep beyond the crack of dawn.
A large Bucks Fizz..... this is traditional Santa as you well know as the cook goes on strike if not well watered.
Some one else to do the washing up... not be too hard this year coz I am doing a Jamie Oliver on the Turkey... cross reference the ad with the butternut squash!
A Remote control to zap the kids with into blessed silence when the noise level gets too much.
A Remote control to zap Oggy with when he starts yowling about how long till 7pm.
Unlimited sticks of dynamite to send to the kind people who give the kids the noisiest gifts.
A box of ear plugs.
A box of paracetamol.
A large 12year old Highland Park Malt for the evening.
And Colin Farrell wearing only a red ribbon!Please bring me lots of other nice things too because I have been a good girl all year and not belted the landlady's sister.....yet!
Lots of love
Momma Mystique aka Janine aged 39 years 9months and 15days old

18-12-2006, 17:12
Dear Santa:

I've been a good Mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles,
and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM...!

PS One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

18-12-2006, 19:09
AWWWWWWW! Dondons!

19-12-2006, 12:55
Since when did ye start eating "Candy Bars" and spelling 'colour' without the U in Staffs, dons ?! That said, it's a nice piece & I'm sure all mums will find it accurate too.

19-12-2006, 14:41
LOL I know Aidan it was stolen but does kind of sum everything up