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Thread: Tell us a joke

  1. #231
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    A man walks into a bar and breaks his nose and both cheek bones......it was an iron bar!
    I'm here all week folks but tickets are selling fast
    ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE NEXT HALF HOUR.

  2. #232
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Quote Originally Posted by tex View Post
    I'm here all week folks but tickets are selling fast
    Let me know when you get your first proper gig.
    I am now in my 40s (just in case anyone asks).

  3. #233
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    A group of mice were walking through the African plain early one morning having become inadvertantly lost when they ‘spotted’ Chico the Cheetah carrying an empty cereal box.

    “Hello,” said Chico. “You guys look lost.”


    “We are,” squeaked the first mouse. “And this hot sun is frazzling our fur and burning us to a crisp.”


    “Tell you what,” said Chico. “Hop into my cereal box and I’ll take you to the 5-star Savannah Smiles hotel just a few miles down the dirt track from here. I’m a really fast runner so I’ll get you there in no time. Once there you can get a nice shower and phone for a taxi or catch a bus.”


    “Terrific,” squeaked the mice in unison as they hopped into Chico’s box.


    Five minutes later, Chico arrived panting at the hotel where a lot of the guests were in the dining room looking very annoyed.


    “The hotel has run out of cereal,” said one purple-faced woman.


    “What do they expect us to do, starve?” Said another.

    A smile slowly spread across Chico’s face. He opened his cereal box and emptied the contents into a bowl.

    “Mice Krispies, anyone?”


    The moral of this story is: you should never trust a cereal cheetah!

    Do you really believe the other side without provocation would launch so many ICBM's, subs and ships knowing that we would have no option to launch as well? It would break our MAD Treaty (Mutually Assured Destruction) not to mention the end of the world as we know it.


  4. #234
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Cereal cheetah...i love that.
    ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE NEXT HALF HOUR.

  5. #235
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    First man..... i just found a fox and three cubs in a suitcase

    second man..Were they moving?

    First man..... Well i guess that would explain the suitcase!
    ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE NEXT HALF HOUR.

  6. #236
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    A bloke goes to Burger King and said "I want a McBurger, with McFries and a McMilkshake".
    The man serving said "I think you've got the wrong fast food restaurant".
    The bloke then goes "I can't help it, I've got hiccups".

    A bloke is sacked from the Job Centre and returns the following day.

    Two herbs repossess someone's furniture.
    They were bay-leaves.

    What do you call a darts player who has an affair with another woman?
    Nothing in this game for two in a bed.
    I am now in my 40s (just in case anyone asks).

  7. #237
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Just sold the vacuum cleaner....well it was just collecting dust
    ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE NEXT HALF HOUR.

  8. #238
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    1,233

    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Here's our suped- up




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

  9. #239
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Scariest vaccuum EVER!....but he looks a real sucker
    ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE NEXT HALF HOUR.

  10. #240
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    Oct 2017
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    A man gets arrested for indecent behaviour in public.

    The arresting police officer says "anything you say will be taken down and used in evidence".

    The man then says "trousers".
    I am now in my 40s (just in case anyone asks).

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