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  • Re: Tell us a joke

    Originally posted by tex View Post
    Used this one in my father of the bride speech, the silence was deafening
    It's the way you tell 'em...
    Time flies like the wind, fruit flies like bananas - go figure!

    Comment


    • Re: Tell us a joke

      It's the way I tell them as well - here goes:


      Why do people shave their legs?
      Because it's a lot more embarrassing to grow a beard on them.


      Did you hear about the taxidermist who worked on Christmas Day?
      He had a job to do stuffing the turkey.


      Which book sounds Greek but is very British?
      An Argos catalogue.


      MOTHER TO BE: I am going to name my baby Michael if it's a girl.
      MOTHER TO BE'S FRIEND: You can't name it Michael if it's a girl because it's a boy's name.
      MOTHER TO BE: Yes I am - I am going to name her after Princess Michael of Kent.


      Well, to quote Eric Sykes, "if I don't write it, nobody else will".
      I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
      There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
      I'm having so much fun
      My lucky number's one
      Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

      Comment


      • Re: Tell us a joke

        A horse walks into a bar and the landlord says why the long face?
        Ejector seat?...your jokin!

        Comment


        • Re: Tell us a joke

          A landlord walks into a bar and a horse says got any pickled eggs?
          Ejector seat?...your jokin!

          Comment


          • Re: Tell us a joke

            A man has been in prison for six years and has never even committed a crime - people are campaigning to get him released, although why the want the Deputy Governor to be released from his job is anyone's guess...

            A man walks into a bar and realises that he needs glasses - to drink out of.
            I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
            There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
            I'm having so much fun
            My lucky number's one
            Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

            Comment


            • Re: Tell us a joke

              A man walks into a bar and breaks his nose and both cheek bones......it was an iron bar!
              I'm here all week folks but tickets are selling fast
              Ejector seat?...your jokin!

              Comment


              • Re: Tell us a joke

                Originally posted by tex View Post
                I'm here all week folks but tickets are selling fast
                Let me know when you get your first proper gig.
                I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
                There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
                I'm having so much fun
                My lucky number's one
                Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

                Comment


                • Re: Tell us a joke

                  A group of mice were walking through the African plain early one morning having become inadvertantly lost when they ‘spotted’ Chico the Cheetah carrying an empty cereal box.

                  “Hello,” said Chico. “You guys look lost.”


                  “We are,” squeaked the first mouse. “And this hot sun is frazzling our fur and burning us to a crisp.”


                  “Tell you what,” said Chico. “Hop into my cereal box and I’ll take you to the 5-star Savannah Smiles hotel just a few miles down the dirt track from here. I’m a really fast runner so I’ll get you there in no time. Once there you can get a nice shower and phone for a taxi or catch a bus.”


                  “Terrific,” squeaked the mice in unison as they hopped into Chico’s box.


                  Five minutes later, Chico arrived panting at the hotel where a lot of the guests were in the dining room looking very annoyed.


                  “The hotel has run out of cereal,” said one purple-faced woman.


                  “What do they expect us to do, starve?” Said another.

                  A smile slowly spread across Chico’s face. He opened his cereal box and emptied the contents into a bowl.

                  “Mice Krispies, anyone?”


                  The moral of this story is: you should never trust a cereal cheetah!
                  sigpic
                  Do you really believe the other side without provocation would launch so many ICBM's, subs and ships knowing that we would have no option to launch as well? It would break our MAD Treaty (Mutually Assured Destruction) not to mention the end of the world as we know it.

                  Comment


                  • Re: Tell us a joke

                    Cereal cheetah...i love that.
                    Ejector seat?...your jokin!

                    Comment


                    • Re: Tell us a joke

                      First man..... i just found a fox and three cubs in a suitcase

                      second man..Were they moving?

                      First man..... Well i guess that would explain the suitcase!
                      Ejector seat?...your jokin!

                      Comment


                      • Re: Tell us a joke

                        A bloke goes to Burger King and said "I want a McBurger, with McFries and a McMilkshake".
                        The man serving said "I think you've got the wrong fast food restaurant".
                        The bloke then goes "I can't help it, I've got hiccups".

                        A bloke is sacked from the Job Centre and returns the following day.

                        Two herbs repossess someone's furniture.
                        They were bay-leaves.

                        What do you call a darts player who has an affair with another woman?
                        Nothing in this game for two in a bed.
                        I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
                        There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
                        I'm having so much fun
                        My lucky number's one
                        Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

                        Comment


                        • Re: Tell us a joke

                          Just sold the vacuum cleaner....well it was just collecting dust
                          Ejector seat?...your jokin!

                          Comment


                          • Re: Tell us a joke

                            Here's our suped- up




                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

                            Comment


                            • Re: Tell us a joke

                              Scariest vaccuum EVER!....but he looks a real sucker
                              Ejector seat?...your jokin!

                              Comment


                              • Re: Tell us a joke

                                A man gets arrested for indecent behaviour in public.

                                The arresting police officer says "anything you say will be taken down and used in evidence".

                                The man then says "trousers".
                                I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
                                There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
                                I'm having so much fun
                                My lucky number's one
                                Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

                                Comment

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