Tell us a joke

[zabadak]

Re: Tell us a joke

Used this one in my father of the bride speech, the silence was deafening

It's the way you tell 'em...

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

It's the way I tell them as well - here goes:


Why do people shave their legs?
Because it's a lot more embarrassing to grow a beard on them.


Did you hear about the taxidermist who worked on Christmas Day?
He had a job to do stuffing the turkey.


Which book sounds Greek but is very British?
An Argos catalogue.


MOTHER TO BE: I am going to name my baby Michael if it's a girl.
MOTHER TO BE'S FRIEND: You can't name it Michael if it's a girl because it's a boy's name.
MOTHER TO BE: Yes I am - I am going to name her after Princess Michael of Kent.


Well, to quote Eric Sykes, "if I don't write it, nobody else will".

[tex]

Re: Tell us a joke

A horse walks into a bar and the landlord says why the long face?

[tex]

Re: Tell us a joke

A landlord walks into a bar and a horse says got any pickled eggs?

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

A man has been in prison for six years and has never even committed a crime - people are campaigning to get him released, although why the want the Deputy Governor to be released from his job is anyone's guess...

A man walks into a bar and realises that he needs glasses - to drink out of.

[tex]

Re: Tell us a joke

A man walks into a bar and breaks his nose and both cheek bones......it was an iron bar!
I'm here all week folks but tickets are selling fast

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

I'm here all week folks but tickets are selling fast

Let me know when you get your first proper gig.

[Twocky61]

Re: Tell us a joke

A group of mice were walking through the African plain early one morning having become inadvertantly lost when they ‘spotted’ Chico the Cheetah carrying an empty cereal box.

“Hello,” said Chico. “You guys look lost.”

“We are,” squeaked the first mouse. “And this hot sun is frazzling our fur and burning us to a crisp.”

“Tell you what,” said Chico. “Hop into my cereal box and I’ll take you to the 5-star Savannah Smiles hotel just a few miles down the dirt track from here. I’m a really fast runner so I’ll get you there in no time. Once there you can get a nice shower and phone for a taxi or catch a bus.”

“Terrific,” squeaked the mice in unison as they hopped into Chico’s box.

Five minutes later, Chico arrived panting at the hotel where a lot of the guests were in the dining room looking very annoyed.

“The hotel has run out of cereal,” said one purple-faced woman.

“What do they expect us to do, starve?” Said another.
A smile slowly spread across Chico’s face. He opened his cereal box and emptied the contents into a bowl.

“Mice Krispies, anyone?”

The moral of this story is: you should never trust a cereal cheetah!

[tex]

Re: Tell us a joke

Cereal cheetah...i love that.

[tex]

Re: Tell us a joke

First man..... i just found a fox and three cubs in a suitcase

second man..Were they moving?

First man..... Well i guess that would explain the suitcase!

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

A bloke goes to Burger King and said "I want a McBurger, with McFries and a McMilkshake".
The man serving said "I think you've got the wrong fast food restaurant".
The bloke then goes "I can't help it, I've got hiccups".

A bloke is sacked from the Job Centre and returns the following day.

Two herbs repossess someone's furniture.
They were bay-leaves.

What do you call a darts player who has an affair with another woman?
Nothing in this game for two in a bed.

[tex]

Re: Tell us a joke

Just sold the vacuum cleaner....well it was just collecting dust

[Zincubus]

Re: Tell us a joke

Here's our suped- up




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[tex]

Re: Tell us a joke

Scariest vaccuum EVER!....but he looks a real sucker

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

A man gets arrested for indecent behaviour in public.

The arresting police officer says "anything you say will be taken down and used in evidence".

The man then says "trousers".