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Thread: Tell us a joke

  1. #241
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Someone told this joke on a radio station earlier on this week:

    Why did the cow cross the earth?
    So they he could see the moo-n.
    I am now in my 40s (just in case anyone asks).

  2. #242
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Chap goes to the doctors saying I cant stop singing the green green grass of home.
    Doctor replies I think you have Tom Jones syndrome.
    Chap says is it common.
    Doctor replies its not unusual. lol

  3. #243
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    What do you call a couple of crisp packets with legs?
    Walkers

    What do you call a box of smelly teabags?
    Ty-poo

    Why is Lancashire a bald-headed county?
    Because it always has a Wigan
    I am now in my 40s (just in case anyone asks).

  4. #244
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Apologies if I've said this one before...

    Q. How do you bring something to a Geordie's attention?
    A. FYI

    Time flies like the wind, fruit flies like bananas - go figure!

  5. #245
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    What did the Geordie say when he was surprised on This is Your Life?
    Why Eamonn?

    What did the German bricklayer say to his dog when he was put down?
    Auf Wiedersehen, Pet.
    I am now in my 40s (just in case anyone asks).

  6. #246
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    I met this Dutch girl last week. She was wearing inflatable shoes.

    Anyway, I rang her yesterday for a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

  7. #247
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Quote Originally Posted by Cartimand View Post
    I met this Dutch girl last week. She was wearing inflatable shoes.

    Anyway, I rang her yesterday for a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
    Brilliant!
    Time flies like the wind, fruit flies like bananas - go figure!

  8. #248
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Irishman went for a job

    Boss says give me 2 days that begin with the letter T

    Irishman says today and tomorrow lol

  9. #249
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    Not quite a joke, but there was this quiz show question many years ago where the answer was a politician's name.

    The host asked: Which politician has the same name as a body part?

    The answer was Michael Foot, but the contestant has answered "Willie Whitelaw".
    I am now in my 40s (just in case anyone asks).

  10. #250
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    Default Re: Tell us a joke

    One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
    asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
    from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
    The florist was pleased and left the shop.
    When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
    'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

    Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill
    the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
    community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
    The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
    you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

    Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
    pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
    you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
    was very happy and left the shop.
    The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
    Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

    And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
    the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.


    Do you really believe the other side without provocation would launch so many ICBM's, subs and ships knowing that we would have no option to launch as well? It would break our MAD Treaty (Mutually Assured Destruction) not to mention the end of the world as we know it.


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