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**dondons69** · 06-08-2006, 22:31

fantastic - are there really silly people like that?!

**Aidan** · 08-08-2006, 14:42

Any operator would have done the same - can't believe he was fired for it ( assuming it's true ...).

**Fifi62** · 28-08-2006, 19:19

Classic!!! Any more of these?

**scotia** · 31-08-2006, 14:22

Here are some top tips similar to those that were in the viz.....

DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
>tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of
>another song you like and hum that instead.
>
>CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by
>having a p*ss before the film starts.
>
>RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by
>actually speaking clearly in the first place.
>
>DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
>identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along
>with your old bank statements.
>
>WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking
>red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to
>remove the stains.
>
>SOLDIERS Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial
>tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint.
>
>MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to
>yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
>
>BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm
>sticking out at 90?, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of
>their dogs on you.
>
>EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the
>CVs into the bin.
>
>MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
>the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save
>your wife from having to do it.
>
>GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself
>by Royal Mail.
>
>BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
>very small horse is approaching.
>
>BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not
>wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.
>
>ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
>
>DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn
>and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send
>them on their way.
>
>PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving
>everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the
>morning, simply move it all back again.
>
>CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the
>valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
>
>DEPRESSED people Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',
>simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
>
>MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving.
>Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think
>you are listening to the sea.
>
>SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
>
>SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing
>outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and
>occasionally glancing inside.
>
>BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg
>into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph.
>After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.
>
>ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the
>pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.
>
>McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend
>in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.
>
>And the absolute belter for last
>
>WOMEN Don't waste energy faking org@sms. Most men couldn't give a sh*t
>anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house after
>you've been banged.
>

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