A place of one's own

[Zincubus]

Re: A place of one's own

My father was from a very large family so even though i don't have a family of my own i do have a very large extended family, so I've always got a cousin nearby, other than that i do enjoy my own company.
You seem to have met your soul mate which is nice [emoji5]
Do you receive any help for your Aspergers?

Na ... I have my routines , rituals and learnt strategies to help combat the anxiety and depression


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[amethyst]

Re: A place of one's own

Been out for lunch with my cousin and his wife visiting Wales,had a pretty amazing afternoon with plenty of laughs.They have a 6 month old puppy which brought a smile to my face.The best tonic for being down in the dumps humour.They are living in Cornwall,I am lonely but when I am around the right company it makes you forget the bad things in your life,lifts your spirits with that bit of hope.

[George 1978]

Re: A place of one's own

I have the condition myself as I have mentioned before, and just like Zincubus has said, things can be very difficult - I have always assumed, in pure soap opera fashion that one meets their partner in a pub or something which of course has never happened to me even when I step inside one. I had an opportunity to be with someone as a result of speed dating in 2007, they matched me up with her, I telephoned her, but in a nutshell she didn't want to know me for reasons that I don't want to go into. I think that this is what vulnerable people in society have to put up with - unnecessary rejection.

[Danniella]

Re: A place of one's own

Now I’m Aspergers and a loner at heart and I’ve no idea how I came to meet an angel of a lady and end up with an ever expanding family - so it may sound heartless but I could probably live anywhere... even apart from my family .. it’s odd / complex being very selfish in some matters yet being extremely generous when it comes to money , property , time and doing favours for others ..no wonder I’m always completely exhausted mentally and physically


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My father was from a very large family so even though i don't have a family of my own i do have a very large extended family, so I've always got a cousin nearby, other than that i do enjoy my own company.
You seem to have met your soul mate which is nice ☺
Do you receive any help for your Aspergers?

[Zincubus]

Re: A place of one's own

I've worked in Manchester, I'm now based in my hometown of Liverpool. I've lived in Ireland, London and Southport, i plan to visit Thailand and Australia next year. But for now I'm very happy in Liverpool.
I lost my dad when i was quite young so having my family close by is a must for me.

Now I’m Aspergers and a loner at heart and I’ve no idea how I came to meet an angel of a lady and end up with an ever expanding family - so it may sound heartless but I could probably live anywhere... even apart from my family .. it’s odd / complex being very selfish in some matters yet being extremely generous when it comes to money , property , time and doing favours for others ..no wonder I’m always completely exhausted mentally and physically


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[Danniella]

Re: A place of one's own

Lived in Salford all my life, i complain about it a lot less as i have gotten older,my dream of moving to the french countryside is pretty much forgotten but that's ok, i am probably more contented now than at any other time in my life despite the health concerns which have dogged my life in recent years. Salford and Manchester generally have a lot of history and despite being much maligned for most of that history i am still proud to be a Manc and a Salfordian in particular

I've worked in Manchester, I'm now based in my hometown of Liverpool. I've lived in Ireland, London and Southport, i plan to visit Thailand and Australia next year. But for now I'm very happy in Liverpool.
I lost my dad when i was quite young so having my family close by is a must for me.

[Zincubus]

Re: A place of one's own

Lived in Salford all my life, i complain about it a lot less as i have gotten older,my dream of moving to the french countryside is pretty much forgotten but that's ok, i am probably more contented now than at any other time in my life despite the health concerns which have dogged my life in recent years. Salford and Manchester generally have a lot of history and despite being much maligned for most of that history i am still proud to be a Manc and a Salfordian in particular

You’re the same as me ,bud .. I’m a Bury lad - born and bred .. only lived in three different houses birth to 20 , 20 to 30 and 30 to 60+ ..all three houses are within a mile or so of each other.. despite craving to live in St Ives for a while and then Rhodes after we discovered it about 30 years ago ..

Sadly it doesn’t look like Rhodes will ever be an option apart from holidays... so I’m thinking I may get to see my final years out in St Ives ..


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[tex]

Re: A place of one's own

Lived in Salford all my life, i complain about it a lot less as i have gotten older,my dream of moving to the french countryside is pretty much forgotten but that's ok, i am probably more contented now than at any other time in my life despite the health concerns which have dogged my life in recent years. Salford and Manchester generally have a lot of history and despite being much maligned for most of that history i am still proud to be a Manc and a Salfordian in particular

[amethyst]

Re: A place of one's own

Thanks George I enjoyed reading your post.Being 62 I have lived all of my life in the same town,moved to different areas but never had the opportunity to move near the south coast.When the national lottery was first introduced in 1994 always did dream about winning enough money to move on,but low and behold still stuck in the same old boring town.Forty years ago I first went to Bournemouth and loved it.I know that being 62 I am on borrowed time especially with health issues.All I can say is when your young enough get out there and make the most of life.By the way wouldn't buy a house again I would rent

[George 1978]

Re: A place of one's own

I have tried to push myself out of my comfort zone as well - I think that it stems back to being at home with my parents, and they were people who used to use be the "wrap you up in cotton wool" sort of people. As a result, I haven't really experienced life in the same way as most other people have. Even when I turned 18 it didn't feel as if I had became an adult because of the fact that I lived in exactly the same surroundings as I did when I was a child - I wasn't really allowed to grow into what I wanted to be, and to be given the space and change of lifestyle in order to accommodate these changes.

Trying to find the right partner is also part of it - there seemed to be no one compatible who was single. When I was 18 I thought that it was a perfect age to move from the family home, but I couldn't back then because my family would not support me - I ended up staying another 17 years and when I was 35, I became the longest standing resident of my old address since it was built in the 1920s.

Going to the theatre is indeed similar to going to concerts which Darren has mentioned above - some places host both things and so they are both very similar. I don't think that I could stomach these pop concerts mostly because of getting into the wrong crowd and the "out of the frying pan and into the fire" approach - I know this sort of thing from making friends at school 30 years ago. Hobbies are good things, but it is the social side of it which is difficult.

I don't feel too bad at the moment - I have just had my birthday and Christmas is just three months away, but as I said before, life is full of different directions where one can easily take the wrong turn and find it difficult to get back on track again. Happiness can be priceless.

[darren]

Re: A place of one's own

Hi george when u say risking the unknown in a way i have done this but i really had to push myself gettng out of my comfort zone.

Its really all happened in the last few yrs.
What made it harder is im not great in social situations anxiety etc.

Examples are.

1 learning another language japanese.
2 going to concerts
3 travelling around the island of ireland only 90 mins to dublin from where i live by train
AND EVENTUALLY GO ON HOLIDAY TO JAPAN LOVE THE CULTURE ETC.

yes its been nerve wrecking but worth it big time.

five years ago i left the family home (which was indeed the family home for nearly half a century) for the last time to move to the suburbs - i was the only person who actually moved due to various deaths and people moving away over the years (to get a place of their own, ironically enough), and besides, the bedroom tax played a huge part in the decision. Having family members working in housing also helped as well, as they helped me move as well as give a lot of support in that way. Around 15 years ago, armed with a housing application form from a neighbouring council's housing department, i emailed three people i knew, telling them about my urge to move, and all three of them said to take the plunge and fill in the form which i did - and it took ten years before i really did move away.

So i waved goodbye to the two bedroom family home and said hello to the one second floor bedroom flat, but on a positive note, i waved goodbye to the inner-city area that caused so much strife over the years and said hello to the suburb that i had always wanted to live in literally since i was a child, and that must have been a good 25 years. Independence is a good thing and that helped - a new home with no links with the past, as far as i was concerned anyway. I am just go glad that the previous occupants (who moved due to overcrowding) had moved at the right time as they had allowed me to get a home in the right area thanks to their decision - if they had not have done that, then i would have probably been living in my old area even now. I have never met them, but i just cannot thank them enough for vacating their former home in order to give me a chance to move.

I have always been someone who prefers suburbs or something even more rural rather than city life. Mind you, i have always said that a council property in a suburb is a darn sight better than a private property in an inner-city area - the colour of one's money means nothing in that context. I am dream just like the next person can - rent, council tax and the like doesn't enter the mind when one thinks about the location of the bricks and mortar in the right place. Cornwall, the isle of wight, the lincolnshire coast - anywhere but depressing nottingham which has so many bad memories from the past, and i don't need the local newspapers to remind me every five minutes, thank you very much.

When i stayed in bournemouth for a few days last month i stayed in a hotel which gave a wonderful balcony view of the english channel from the hotel room, and it made me think how great it would be to live somewhere like that all year round where the main view one would see out of the window would be of the coast. I don't know what made me do it as i obviously had no local connection to the area i stayed in, but i decided to fill in an application form for housing in that area - as far as i was concerned, it was a pipe dream which would never really be fulfilled in reality, but i feel that i have every right to decide on these choices and what i want to do in life, even if the chances of it happening is a lot closer to absolute zero. I felt like that when i visited cornwall, and even when i knew someone from a social group that i was a member of who lived in merthyr tydfil - perhaps if i moved there, i would get to see her more often? We were friends in any rate, as in "christmas cards in the post in december" sort of friends.

I don't know but i feel that i am at a stage that i am at a crossroads with my life - should i risk the unknown and see what's around the corner, or should i play it safe (even if it is boring) and carry on in the same fashion as i did before? I have always wanted to live in the countryside, just like being close to the coast, but i have always assumed that one needed to be rich and close to a millionaire in order to do just that. Fairytale romances seem just as much out of bounds as finding one's ideal home location. We see it all the time - and we see others do it, reaching their potential, finding the right place to live and settling down, but a lot of us cannot do it for ourselves.

Turn the clock back to one's childhood and being asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?" it is hardly a pshe lesson with the careers advisor, but something in that region. But if the question was "where do you want to live when you grow up?", i would have had a lot of answers to that, even at a younger age. An englishman's home is indeed his castle, especially if he happens to be king of that castle.

Have any of you fulfilled your desires to live in the place where you have always wanted to live, or are you still hoping that it could happen in the future? I suppose that as i have already moved to an area i have wanted to move to, i do feel that my own desires of moving completely away from a city has yet to be remedied. Living near the coast (or indeed on the coast) would suit me fine - waking up first thing in the morning and seeing the sea straight out of my bedroom window - it almost sounds as if life should be like that all the time, doesn't it?

[80sChav]

Re: A place of one's own

It's amazing that we think alike as members of this forum - I don't know whether it is anything to do with the past and comparing where we lived and how we lived decades ago and now, and thinking about whether we can better ourselves for the next 10 or 20 years to now. Fair enough, I am the youngest when it comes the comparison of the ages of both of you - a mere 41, but even then, it is never too soon to want to change our lives for the better. Who on earth dreams of living on an inner-city council estate? Probably someone who isn't even on the bottom rung of the ladder such as a homeless person who wants to better himself as it would be a lot better than what he has had to put up with.

My late mother used to use the "if I win the lottery" cliché (since 1994 until her death anyway) when it came to the possibility of moving, even though one doesn't have to win the lottery to get a council property or a Mutual Exchange - my parents only moved from the previous address because the council were bulldozing the area to make way for modern housing back in the mid 1960s. The main point is, why associate moving to a nice home in a nice area with retirement? One shouldn't take early retirement as a result, but try and do it when they are a bit younger to "save for a rainy day" so that what lies ahead isn't as alien to any of us.

I have said it before, but I have often wished that my parents were more middle class and a lot less like they were as they had primary industry jobs such as building and factory work - I often hated the fact that I grew up in a sink estate in inner-city Nottingham where all the elements were thrown at you if you happen to stick out like a sort thumb. If we haven't got it, we do crave for what other people have even though we cannot have it for a number of reasons. I would have liked my parents to be a lot better educated and as a result would probably be a lot richer, but I suppose that lots of people think like that, don't they?

I also suppose that it is also the "Through the Keyhole" syndrome that we see someone else's home in a nice area and wish that it was ourselves who lived there. If I eventually get to strike it lucky and meet the future Mrs George 1978 - who knows? There is safety in numbers as they say...

True George, we do think alike on here - what a great thread you have made here 9which i am sure took a fair whack of piecing together), which I am sure was'nt easy!

I have more or less lived in 2 Areas/Regions all my life Nr the Coast and in the Metroplois of a Large Town - 3 years in Jan/Feb will be the date I had been due to leave my own place and migrate to Cornwall back with my Mum and now sadly departed possible Step-Dad. Through varying reasons it fell through at the end or the opportunities like Camper an, winnibago, Bungalow, staying in a Hotel until we got our own House all hit many a stumbling block as well as packing up and sorting things out at the other end

It was a dream (mjore than to be honest) and though i felt a fool telling people and it then falling through - the few months of it happening from late 16 to early 17 did provide many thought provoking memories of like being on a Train and thinking " very soon this rat-race of clogged and congested Train Journeys in major City's will be over)

Those memories stay with me and as does many other things too - planning visiting "old haunts shop-wise" on a final " goodybye type Singing tour" if you will, it was all placed in the mind-set and minds-eye knowing we was headed for a beautiful place (and 2nd move with my would be-may-be Step Dad) to somewhere I knew nothing of like in the other Coastal Region we moved to in 1990

Sadly though as I say - events stopped it all, yes I am glad on reflection as it's the ends of the earth is Cornwall and takes 3/4 hours (if a bit more) to even reach Bristol as the 2nd largest nr by City after Plymouth, so on that score and being miles and miles from Urban-ness I am in another way glad it fell through (but can not help thinking) of all the "what iffs"!

80sChav

[George 1978]

Re: A place of one's own

Regarding the online application form that I completed last week, if there is any news about that, I shall let you know!

[George 1978]

Re: A place of one's own

It's amazing that we think alike as members of this forum - I don't know whether it is anything to do with the past and comparing where we lived and how we lived decades ago and now, and thinking about whether we can better ourselves for the next 10 or 20 years to now. Fair enough, I am the youngest when it comes the comparison of the ages of both of you - a mere 41, but even then, it is never too soon to want to change our lives for the better. Who on earth dreams of living on an inner-city council estate? Probably someone who isn't even on the bottom rung of the ladder such as a homeless person who wants to better himself as it would be a lot better than what he has had to put up with.

My late mother used to use the "if I win the lottery" cliché (since 1994 until her death anyway) when it came to the possibility of moving, even though one doesn't have to win the lottery to get a council property or a Mutual Exchange - my parents only moved from the previous address because the council were bulldozing the area to make way for modern housing back in the mid 1960s. The main point is, why associate moving to a nice home in a nice area with retirement? One shouldn't take early retirement as a result, but try and do it when they are a bit younger to "save for a rainy day" so that what lies ahead isn't as alien to any of us.

I have said it before, but I have often wished that my parents were more middle class and a lot less like they were as they had primary industry jobs such as building and factory work - I often hated the fact that I grew up in a sink estate in inner-city Nottingham where all the elements were thrown at you if you happen to stick out like a sort thumb. If we haven't got it, we do crave for what other people have even though we cannot have it for a number of reasons. I would have liked my parents to be a lot better educated and as a result would probably be a lot richer, but I suppose that lots of people think like that, don't they?

I also suppose that it is also the "Through the Keyhole" syndrome that we see someone else's home in a nice area and wish that it was ourselves who lived there. If I eventually get to strike it lucky and meet the future Mrs George 1978 - who knows? There is safety in numbers as they say...

[tex]

Re: A place of one's own

Again coincidentally my wife and i were discussing this very subject a couple of days ago in light of my youngest daughters forthcoming wedding (saturday 21st). I have long dreamed of living in the french countryside in a proper rural setting and in a proper authentic french country house, this ambition of mine is not beyond the realms of possibility even now at the ripe old age of 60.
The biggest obstacle for my wife is of course family and although France is hardly the other side of the world she feels the need to be there for them if needed which i guess is a natural motherly trait and i admire her for that. I have had certain health concerns over the past couple of years and the reassurance of knowing a familiar doctor and ofcourse our beloved NHS are at arms length is another reason we have not chased our (my) dream