How are you all? I am fine, apart from the frequent panic attack. Anyway...
I have to admit that I do feel very bitter about my own school days and, as I have said before, wished that my parents were more middle-class, and were more "pushy". Living in an inner-city area and attending a sink comprehensive school was no inspiration at all Despite my problems and difficulties, I felt that I was talented and was never allowed to express that talent - I was afraid that I was going to picked on if I showed my talents through doing work well. I did subjects like Drama for GCSE and an incident outside school had put me off going inside school - hence my "school refusal". I would probably have gone to college to study various subjects or go on a training course (or even university?), but being in a room with so many young people just three months after hanging up my school uniform had reminded me too much of school and getting that de ja vu feeling.
What I am saying is that attending school should not make young people feel like that - if anything, school should influence and inspire a future career in a positive way, although it discouraged me. I know that I will never become a future Prime Minister or Archbishop of Canterbury but I would have liked to have done something that I would enjoy doing and having more money in my bank account. Sometimes I could scream my head off with frustration.
The fact that I was failed was an indication back then that school failed me - it may have been the Education Reform Act 1988 which was responsible for the reform of education in my day, but the irony was that there had not been enough reform in order for me to be put onto my journey of adult life. I went to a training place and they got the wrong end of the stick. I am a good writer and my GCSE English Language should have been above average, but due to problems at home and at school back in the early 1990s that side of things, but then again I did live in an overcrowded house for the start of the 1992-1993 academic year which meant that I could not focus on homework properly. I know that I did well on a Biology examination which is ironic considering my personal difficulties.
I do feel bitter and I do feel angry to this day - the fact that I could not get on with my peer group meant that my life was messed up even now, and my parents were of the wrong generation to provide proper support to me. I do feel that "influence" had stemmed from one's own upbringing - the fact that my parents (who are both no longer with us) were from the generation prior to most parents of my peer group - more like grandparents' ages. I wanted them to move to another area so that I could put my past behind me and move on, but come my mid 30s I was still in the same area as I was as a child. I hated that "stuck record" routine of life. And just after I became an adult I was diagnosed with one or two various things, and in later years, I would add stress anxiety and panic attacks to the list. I do blame lots of people such as my own family and peer group, and in many ways, I feel that I cannot help it.
My nephew (and his parents of course) had moved twice before the age of eight (the first time when he was six months old), and I think that he really benefited from it - he went to a good suburban primary school and even played Joseph in the school's nativity play one year. He went to one of the private grand-maintained academies and did quite well as a result. He had a part in a TV drama when he was 11 years old, and now he is in his 20s, he has a job as a radio presenter, ironically some of the things that I wanted to be myself when I grew up. One cannot help being jealous or even have slight hatred for him because he had got what I actually wanted and was seemed to have been taken away from me. Both his parents are, of course, still alive. I have been thinking about that quite a lot over the past few weeks, and also by watching lots of episodes from guest actors in a TV drama series. Now I do wish I could turn the clock back 25 years and do a Take Two, but on the other hand, the same could have happened again. In a nutshell, I would have liked to have been like him, career-wise.
I am especially bitter due to my problems - for more than half my life I have lived on my own with no family because my social skills have gone to put since being bullied at school - no wife and kids, and I want to meet a nice woman, get married and have a family of my own, because Article 12 of the Human Rights Act 1998 says that I am entitled to do so. Ironically, this isolation that I have and not much contact with people can protect me from the COVID situation a bit more than it would to others. My parents were poor and I am not to blame for that, but I hated the Education Welfare Officer for forcing me into the lion's cage after an incident coming home from school.
However, since then, I would love to use my talents such as writing and all that - I was nearly published after a project that I was doing, but I had to abandon it due to the cost. I did a few portfolios with various photography companies, but it's a pity that I couldn't make a career out of it. I could even give Rory Bremner a run for his money when it comes to impressions that I do, but alas, there will be no platform for me. I was always given the indication that if you're talented, then you're showing off, and if you show off, you're showing up. Apart from that, in real life I am myself and I am not anyone else, and I cannot be anyone else even if I tried.
As a footnote, I do feel that the type of education that someone receives can often determine whether they will "make or break" their life later on. I felt that I went to the wrong school for my needs and desires, and I suffered as a result. Two wrongs don't make a right when it comes to someone who already has problems and coming from an area where failure is inevitable. It stinks at the end of the day.
I have to admit that I do feel very bitter about my own school days and, as I have said before, wished that my parents were more middle-class, and were more "pushy". Living in an inner-city area and attending a sink comprehensive school was no inspiration at all Despite my problems and difficulties, I felt that I was talented and was never allowed to express that talent - I was afraid that I was going to picked on if I showed my talents through doing work well. I did subjects like Drama for GCSE and an incident outside school had put me off going inside school - hence my "school refusal". I would probably have gone to college to study various subjects or go on a training course (or even university?), but being in a room with so many young people just three months after hanging up my school uniform had reminded me too much of school and getting that de ja vu feeling.
What I am saying is that attending school should not make young people feel like that - if anything, school should influence and inspire a future career in a positive way, although it discouraged me. I know that I will never become a future Prime Minister or Archbishop of Canterbury but I would have liked to have done something that I would enjoy doing and having more money in my bank account. Sometimes I could scream my head off with frustration.
The fact that I was failed was an indication back then that school failed me - it may have been the Education Reform Act 1988 which was responsible for the reform of education in my day, but the irony was that there had not been enough reform in order for me to be put onto my journey of adult life. I went to a training place and they got the wrong end of the stick. I am a good writer and my GCSE English Language should have been above average, but due to problems at home and at school back in the early 1990s that side of things, but then again I did live in an overcrowded house for the start of the 1992-1993 academic year which meant that I could not focus on homework properly. I know that I did well on a Biology examination which is ironic considering my personal difficulties.
I do feel bitter and I do feel angry to this day - the fact that I could not get on with my peer group meant that my life was messed up even now, and my parents were of the wrong generation to provide proper support to me. I do feel that "influence" had stemmed from one's own upbringing - the fact that my parents (who are both no longer with us) were from the generation prior to most parents of my peer group - more like grandparents' ages. I wanted them to move to another area so that I could put my past behind me and move on, but come my mid 30s I was still in the same area as I was as a child. I hated that "stuck record" routine of life. And just after I became an adult I was diagnosed with one or two various things, and in later years, I would add stress anxiety and panic attacks to the list. I do blame lots of people such as my own family and peer group, and in many ways, I feel that I cannot help it.
My nephew (and his parents of course) had moved twice before the age of eight (the first time when he was six months old), and I think that he really benefited from it - he went to a good suburban primary school and even played Joseph in the school's nativity play one year. He went to one of the private grand-maintained academies and did quite well as a result. He had a part in a TV drama when he was 11 years old, and now he is in his 20s, he has a job as a radio presenter, ironically some of the things that I wanted to be myself when I grew up. One cannot help being jealous or even have slight hatred for him because he had got what I actually wanted and was seemed to have been taken away from me. Both his parents are, of course, still alive. I have been thinking about that quite a lot over the past few weeks, and also by watching lots of episodes from guest actors in a TV drama series. Now I do wish I could turn the clock back 25 years and do a Take Two, but on the other hand, the same could have happened again. In a nutshell, I would have liked to have been like him, career-wise.
I am especially bitter due to my problems - for more than half my life I have lived on my own with no family because my social skills have gone to put since being bullied at school - no wife and kids, and I want to meet a nice woman, get married and have a family of my own, because Article 12 of the Human Rights Act 1998 says that I am entitled to do so. Ironically, this isolation that I have and not much contact with people can protect me from the COVID situation a bit more than it would to others. My parents were poor and I am not to blame for that, but I hated the Education Welfare Officer for forcing me into the lion's cage after an incident coming home from school.
However, since then, I would love to use my talents such as writing and all that - I was nearly published after a project that I was doing, but I had to abandon it due to the cost. I did a few portfolios with various photography companies, but it's a pity that I couldn't make a career out of it. I could even give Rory Bremner a run for his money when it comes to impressions that I do, but alas, there will be no platform for me. I was always given the indication that if you're talented, then you're showing off, and if you show off, you're showing up. Apart from that, in real life I am myself and I am not anyone else, and I cannot be anyone else even if I tried.
As a footnote, I do feel that the type of education that someone receives can often determine whether they will "make or break" their life later on. I felt that I went to the wrong school for my needs and desires, and I suffered as a result. Two wrongs don't make a right when it comes to someone who already has problems and coming from an area where failure is inevitable. It stinks at the end of the day.
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