Tell us a joke

[childofthe80's]

Why don't oysters give to charity??



Because they're shellfish

[xmark1234]

how do you confuse a irish man?

stick him in a round room and ask him sit in a corner

[SpiralCoolStuff]

what do u call a man with leaves on his head?

Russle

[scotia]

what do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

cliff



al get ma coat.........

[bumblelady]

pat

[SpiralCoolStuff]

i dont know..what do u call a man with a cow on his head?

[scotia]

what do you call a man with a cow on his head?

[SpiralCoolStuff]

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"Why are you shaking??? Its me shes gonna eat!!"

[scotia]

whats hard and pink?
......a pig with a flick knife

[dean80's]

a bloke goes to the doctors complaining he has a strawberry up his bum.
The doctor replies " I've got some cream for that.

Another bloke goes to the doctors (the same doctor!) complaining of a lettuce up his bum. The doctor asks to see it, so the bloke bends down and the doctor pauses then says... "hmmmm, thats just the tip of the iceberg"

[SpiralCoolStuff]

Q: What animal should you never play cards with?
A: A cheetah!

[dean80's]

2 nuns on peddle bikes going back to the convent are peddling down a cobbly street.
one of them shouts to the other one " ive never come this way before"

[scotia]

did u hear about the dyslexic pimp?
.......he bought a warehouse!

[xmark1234]

english , irish , and a scotts man sitting on a 40ft building site having there dinner break
english man opens his buttie box and sees he has ham butties so he says"if my mrs makes me ham agian im going to kill my self " and throws them off the building
scotts man opens his box and sees he has tunna
he says " if i have tuna once more im going to kill me self " and throws them over the edge
irsih man opens his box up and sees he has bacon butties
he says"if i have bacon again im going to kill my self" and throws them over the edge
any way next day comes the dinner bell sounds
and the 3 guys are back for there lunch
the english man opens his box and to his surprise he has got chicken ,so hes happy
the scotts man opens his box and sees he has turkey , so hes happy
the irish man opens his box and sees he has bacon agian
he says " right thats it " and throws him self over the edge
the scotts man says"now why did he do that"
the english man says " i dont know because he makes his own butties "

[SpiralCoolStuff]

For those of you who may need it...A Prayer for the Stressed!

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they p*ssed me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the behind that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work....
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

And help me to remember ...
When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to p*ss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my arm and smack the jerk on the head!