Tell us a joke

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

What do you call Pinocchio when he lies in bed?

I am not sure, but let's hope that he doesn't share the bed with anyone else...

More Pinocchio jokes that I can think of:

Did you hear about Pinocchio trying to put a condom on?

He nearly suffocated as a result.


Did you hear about Pinocchio being accused of robbing a bank while wearing a balaclava?

He lied during the police interview and was arrested for indecent exposure instead.

[George 1978]

A very satirical 2020 snooker joke:

QUESTION: What have Neil Robertson and Joe Biden both got in common?

ANSWER: They have both defeated Trump!

Don't get the joke? - just compare the result of the American Presidential election and also the result of the snooker final on Sunday evening (or should I say, Monday morning), and you will soon get it!

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Pity that joke wasn't made 200 years ago otherwise I could have said that they could have joined the Whigs.

[Twocky61]

Re: Tell us a joke

WTG Zincubus lol

[Zincubus]

Re: Tell us a joke

These deluded suicide bombers, believe they are doing Allah's/God's work & that they will be rewarded in Heaven

Really?

If there actually is Heaven & Hell (which I very much doubt, personally) then surely they would go to Hell.

At the Pearly Gates. St. Peter will probably say to them something like this:

"Next please. Oh it's you. The down elevator is over there" lol

The suicide bomber joke I like is ...

So those suicide bombers happily give their lives on the understanding that they will find 77 virgins waiting for them on the other side ...sounds great yet ....

Nobody said anything about them being FEMALE !!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Twocky61]

Re: Tell us a joke

These deluded suicide bombers, believe they are doing Allah's/God's work & that they will be rewarded in Heaven

Really?

If there actually is Heaven & Hell (which I very much doubt, personally) then surely they would go to Hell.

At the Pearly Gates. St. Peter will probably say to them something like this:

"Next please. Oh it's you. The down elevator is over there" lol

[Twocky61]

Re: Tell us a joke

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill

the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

Not quite a joke, but there was this quiz show question many years ago where the answer was a politician's name.

The host asked: Which politician has the same name as a body part?

The answer was Michael Foot, but the contestant has answered "Willie Whitelaw".

[djoki]

Re: Tell us a joke

Irishman went for a job

Boss says give me 2 days that begin with the letter T

Irishman says today and tomorrow lol

[zabadak]

Re: Tell us a joke

I met this Dutch girl last week. She was wearing inflatable shoes.

Anyway, I rang her yesterday for a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

Brilliant!

[Cartimand]

Re: Tell us a joke

I met this Dutch girl last week. She was wearing inflatable shoes.

Anyway, I rang her yesterday for a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

What did the Geordie say when he was surprised on This is Your Life?
Why Eamonn?

What did the German bricklayer say to his dog when he was put down?
Auf Wiedersehen, Pet.

[zabadak]

Re: Tell us a joke

Apologies if I've said this one before...

Q. How do you bring something to a Geordie's attention?
A. FYI

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

What do you call a couple of crisp packets with legs?
Walkers

What do you call a box of smelly teabags?
Ty-poo

Why is Lancashire a bald-headed county?
Because it always has a Wigan

[djoki]

Re: Tell us a joke

Chap goes to the doctors saying I cant stop singing the green green grass of home.
Doctor replies I think you have Tom Jones syndrome.
Chap says is it common.
Doctor replies its not unusual. lol