Tell us a joke

[I. R. Fincham]

Re: Tell us a joke

Paddy and Mick went to Canada looking for jobs. They saw a sign:

Tree fellers wanted.


So they became lumberjacks.

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

Roses are green
Violets are yellow
The poem was written
By a colour-blind fellow

[George 1978]

Re: Tell us a joke

What do you call Pinocchio when he lies in bed?

I am not sure, but let's hope that he doesn't share the bed with anyone else...

[Twocky61]

Re: Tell us a joke

mary had a litle lamb and she didint know where to find them
in the deap freeze with packs of peas
neatly stacked up behind them

Talking of Mary:

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now Mary takes lambsy to school
Between two slices of bread

lol

[Twocky61]

Re: Tell us a joke

In the height of the swine flu epidemic Winnie the Pooh & Piglet are walking through the woods

"Aren't I lucky to have such a nice friend as Winnie" thinks Piglet

Winnie thinks "If that pig so much as sneezes......................"

lol

[victorbrunswick]

Re: Tell us a joke

There once was a boy name Irving
Who suffered a fate quite undeserving
For it seems that his circumcision
Was performed with questionable precision
Shaky was the hand of the mohel that day
And alas! A bit much was cut away!
Oh the shame that can be caused by a botched bris!
That it's a wonder that poor Irving can properly...
Oy Vey!

[DemonEyeX]

Re: Tell us a joke

Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippy ?

He was too far out man !

[SG1973]

Jack & Jill had just got married & on their wedding night Jack took off his trousers & said to Jill "Tries these on."

Jill said to him "They're too big!"

"Exactly" said Jack "I wear the trousers in this marriage & always will!"

Jill then said to Jack "Try my knickers on."

Jack replied "I'll never get into them!"

"Exactly" said Jill "And if you don't change your attitude you never will!"

[steve edwards]

what do you call a sheep with no legs ----a cloud

a green fly with no wings ----------------a bogey

[koukou]

'Girl's Night Out'

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls". I told
my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the
hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m. a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12
cuckoos=MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him

"Midnight".
He didn't seem p*ssed off . Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said,

"We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why?, he said, "Well last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said 'Oh. ****', cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

[steve edwards]

An Octopus walks into a bar and says, " I bet I can play any musical instrument"! The bloke next to him gives him a guitar which the Octopus plays better thean Jimmy Hendrix! A second bloke says "I bet you can't play the piano"! The Octopus sits behind the piano and plays it better than Elton John! Jock gives the Octopus a set of bag pipes, the Octopus fumbles around for a minute and looks confused, Jock says, "Ha ha! Can ye no play it"? The Octopus replies, "Play it? I'm going to hump it as soon as I get the pyjamas off" !!!

[steve edwards]

why do farts smell ......so the deaf can appreciate them as well

[steve edwards]

mary had a little lamb she tied it to a pylon
ten thousand volts went up its legs
and turned its wool to nylon

[boop77]

why are men like clouds ?

when they finally leave it turns out to be a nice day

[Oggy]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel...........