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  • Questions asked in Court

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

    Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
    A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

    Q: Did he kill you?

    Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

    Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: She had three teens, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A: I went to Europe, sir.
    Q: And you took your new wife?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

  • #2
    Re: Questions asked in Court

    I've heard 1 or 2 of those before.

    One I like goes something like this:

    Q: Where you injured in the fracas?

    A: No I just got hit in the leg.

    Q: Were you involved in a Melee outside the nightclub?

    A: I've never heard of her before, anyway I've got a steady girlfriend.
    The Trickster On The Roof

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Questions asked in Court

      Brilliant sixtyten! Though I fear most of these funny lists are not attributable in the end to any actual place; school, court, doctors, etc. More likely they are made up by people with a flair for comedy writing. Doesn't really matter though. Made me laugh!

      EDIT: I have one about answers to exam quesions. It is wonderful; I must find and post.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Questions asked in Court

        Similar council complaints email that also does the rounds!



        I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

        I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

        I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

        My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.

        I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

        Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and she would like it in the garden before we move house.

        I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

        50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

        I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

        The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

        Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

        Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

        Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

        I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6a.m., his **** wakes me up and now it's getting too much for me.

        The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

        Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

        I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

        Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

        I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

        This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

        My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

        ...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take any more.

        ...that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
        Heather

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Questions asked in Court

          Originally posted by huggie74 View Post
          Similar council complaints email that also does the rounds!...
          Those had me getting quite hysterical, huggie. Thank you!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Questions asked in Court

            lol I laughed at the one about voodoo
            I'd rather hear the bad truth than a good lie

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Questions asked in Court

              Rather old and have done the rounds rather alot. but you have to admire that some people can say the funniest things without realising.As the examples above have shown.Jasper carrot used to feature such stuff 20 years ago.
              sigpic

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Questions asked in Court

                [QUOTE=huggie74;135307]Similar council complaints email that also does the rounds! [/QUOTE)

                These had me ROFLING out loud on my own here!
                Very juvenile and hilarious
                sigpic
                'Dreams come true if you want them to'

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Questions asked in Court

                  I've heard those before, been emailed them numerous time but still LMAO!!!!! will always make me laugh!!!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Questions asked in Court

                    There was a conman doing the rounds in the 70s pretending to be a second world war veteran and 'collecting' money for old soldiers (ie just him). He wore an eye-patch to make it look like he was injured, but in fact had no such injury and never fought in the war. When he was arrested, they put him in an ID parade, and one of the old ladies conned by him stood in front of the man and asked 'where's the eyepatch?'. To which the suspect broke the silence to reply 'the police said I didn't have to wear it for this!'

                    When it came to court, he pleaded guilty.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Questions asked in Court

                      I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

                      The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

                      Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

                      Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

                      Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

                      I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6a.m., his **** wakes me up and now it's getting too much for me.

                      The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

                      Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

                      I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

                      Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

                      I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

                      This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

                      My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

                      ...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take any more.

                      ...that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

                      huggie i can't take this anymore.
                      this is just so funny.
                      im in tears of laughter.LOL LOL.
                      FOR THE HONOUR OF GRAYSKULL

                      Comment

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