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  • Re: Tell us a joke

    Someone told this joke on a radio station earlier on this week:

    Why did the cow cross the earth?
    So they he could see the moo-n.
    I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
    There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
    I'm having so much fun
    My lucky number's one
    Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

    Comment


    • Re: Tell us a joke

      Chap goes to the doctors saying I cant stop singing the green green grass of home.
      Doctor replies I think you have Tom Jones syndrome.
      Chap says is it common.
      Doctor replies its not unusual. lol

      Comment


      • Re: Tell us a joke

        What do you call a couple of crisp packets with legs?
        Walkers

        What do you call a box of smelly teabags?
        Ty-poo

        Why is Lancashire a bald-headed county?
        Because it always has a Wigan
        I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
        There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
        I'm having so much fun
        My lucky number's one
        Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

        Comment


        • Re: Tell us a joke

          Apologies if I've said this one before...

          Q. How do you bring something to a Geordie's attention?
          A. FYI

          Time flies like the wind, fruit flies like bananas - go figure!

          Comment


          • Re: Tell us a joke

            What did the Geordie say when he was surprised on This is Your Life?
            Why Eamonn?

            What did the German bricklayer say to his dog when he was put down?
            Auf Wiedersehen, Pet.
            I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
            There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
            I'm having so much fun
            My lucky number's one
            Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

            Comment


            • Re: Tell us a joke

              I met this Dutch girl last week. She was wearing inflatable shoes.

              Anyway, I rang her yesterday for a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

              Comment


              • Re: Tell us a joke

                Originally posted by Cartimand View Post
                I met this Dutch girl last week. She was wearing inflatable shoes.

                Anyway, I rang her yesterday for a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
                Brilliant!
                Time flies like the wind, fruit flies like bananas - go figure!

                Comment


                • Re: Tell us a joke

                  Irishman went for a job

                  Boss says give me 2 days that begin with the letter T

                  Irishman says today and tomorrow lol

                  Comment


                  • Re: Tell us a joke

                    Not quite a joke, but there was this quiz show question many years ago where the answer was a politician's name.

                    The host asked: Which politician has the same name as a body part?

                    The answer was Michael Foot, but the contestant has answered "Willie Whitelaw".
                    I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
                    There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
                    I'm having so much fun
                    My lucky number's one
                    Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

                    Comment


                    • Re: Tell us a joke

                      One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
                      asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
                      from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
                      The florist was pleased and left the shop.
                      When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
                      'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

                      Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill
                      the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
                      community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
                      The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
                      you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

                      Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
                      pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
                      you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
                      was very happy and left the shop.
                      The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
                      Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

                      And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
                      the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

                      sigpic
                      Do you really believe the other side without provocation would launch so many ICBM's, subs and ships knowing that we would have no option to launch as well? It would break our MAD Treaty (Mutually Assured Destruction) not to mention the end of the world as we know it.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Tell us a joke

                        These deluded suicide bombers, believe they are doing Allah's/God's work & that they will be rewarded in Heaven

                        Really?

                        If there actually is Heaven & Hell (which I very much doubt, personally) then surely they would go to Hell.

                        At the Pearly Gates. St. Peter will probably say to them something like this:

                        "Next please. Oh it's you. The down elevator is over there" lol
                        sigpic
                        Do you really believe the other side without provocation would launch so many ICBM's, subs and ships knowing that we would have no option to launch as well? It would break our MAD Treaty (Mutually Assured Destruction) not to mention the end of the world as we know it.

                        Comment


                        • Re: Tell us a joke

                          Originally posted by Twocky61 View Post
                          These deluded suicide bombers, believe they are doing Allah's/God's work & that they will be rewarded in Heaven

                          Really?

                          If there actually is Heaven & Hell (which I very much doubt, personally) then surely they would go to Hell.

                          At the Pearly Gates. St. Peter will probably say to them something like this:

                          "Next please. Oh it's you. The down elevator is over there" lol
                          The suicide bomber joke I like is ...

                          So those suicide bombers happily give their lives on the understanding that they will find 77 virgins waiting for them on the other side ...sounds great yet ....

                          Nobody said anything about them being FEMALE !!


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

                          Comment


                          • Re: Tell us a joke

                            WTG Zincubus lol
                            sigpic
                            Do you really believe the other side without provocation would launch so many ICBM's, subs and ships knowing that we would have no option to launch as well? It would break our MAD Treaty (Mutually Assured Destruction) not to mention the end of the world as we know it.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Tell us a joke

                              Originally posted by Twocky61 View Post
                              Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
                              pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
                              you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
                              was very happy and left the shop.
                              The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
                              Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

                              And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
                              the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
                              Pity that joke wasn't made 200 years ago otherwise I could have said that they could have joined the Whigs.
                              I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
                              There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
                              I'm having so much fun
                              My lucky number's one
                              Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

                              Comment


                              • A very satirical 2020 snooker joke:

                                QUESTION: What have Neil Robertson and Joe Biden both got in common?

                                ANSWER: They have both defeated Trump!

                                Don't get the joke? - just compare the result of the American Presidential election and also the result of the snooker final on Sunday evening (or should I say, Monday morning), and you will soon get it!
                                I've everything I need to keep me satisfied
                                There's nothing you can do to make me change my mind
                                I'm having so much fun
                                My lucky number's one
                                Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh!

                                Comment

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