Tell us a joke

[remember]

Do you know any good (clean) jokes? Share your jokes here but please keep them clean! This is a family forum!

[SpiralCoolStuff]

Patient: Doctor doctor i feel like a bridge!
Doctor:really? Whats come over you?
Patient:A bus, 3 motorbikes and a taxi

[xmark1234]

whats this ---- w
an upside down --- m
ha ha ha ha ha
well i thought it was funny
but thats my sick mind working over

[bumblelady]

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

[dondons69]

Have you ever wondered.........
Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

[dondons69]

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.

[dean80's]

what do you get hanging from trees?


SORE ARMS!!!!!!
(i can hear the groans!!!)

[remember]

my little daughter's favourite joke: "what time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?" answer: "time to get a new fence!"

She then goes on to tell variations such as "what time is it when the zebra sits on the daffodil?" answer "time to get a new wheelbarrow!" or some such... well she is only 3...

[SpiralCoolStuff]

Mary mary quite contrary how does your garden grow? I live with my brat in a highrise flat so how in the hell should i know??

[xmark1234]

whats the height of noise ?

two skeletons having a party on a tin roof

( had to change a few words there to keep it clean )

[remember]

I must be really innocent and naive but I don't get the skeleton one?

[SpiralCoolStuff]

i think i kind of get it...

Mary had a little sheep and with that sheep she'd go to sleep but that sheep turned out to be a ram now Mary has a little lamb

[dondons69]

what does a donkey at blackpool have for lunch?
Half an hour!!!

[xmark1234]

i only know dirty jokes

[dean80's]

a skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a pint and a mop