Bullying

[beccabear67]

I've probably had more bullying online than ever in real life, but I remember a bit at one particular school, others got it worse than me although i was physically hit twice as well as stolen from, but witnessing is stressful too, it was before there were any programs about being prepared to handle such stuff, was considered normal to a point and teachers only acted if it got extreme. I became a drop out from that one school, went into a program for drop outs (they even let kids smoke cigs there to keep us in the system I guess), briefly tried the next closest school which was in the poorest part of the city, then a private Christian school for a year and half.

I had years of counseling for an early violent assault in childhood and it included things to care for oneself. I'm not sure I could really help someone other than to applaud when one stands up for themself and their rights. It's awful what many people do to other people... sometimes I think maybe they are passing on what someone did to them, or that they themself might be externalizing their problems onto someone else to abuse them. That is entirely about them and not the person they are tormenting or attacking. They can't be feeling genuinely good about who they are to be like that I feel. Somewhere I just accepted however I am that is different that isn't really anybody else's business to comment on... I am 54 and have teddy bears, I don't care what anyone thinks of it. If you sleep with a nightlight at any age, have never had sex, never flown in an airplane (I haven't), not learned to swim, don't drive (me again)... I've known and respected people I could say all of these things about.

Nature loves variety. Variety is strength!

[George 1978]

I just feel that being bullied at school (in addition to the circumstances I had to put up with as a child - being unable to move house because my parents didn't want to as well as being disabled due to being starved of oxygen at birth because my mother loved her 15 Benson and Hedges a day when she was pregnant with me) had messed my life up. I blame school as well as disability for not being able to work and perhaps do things that I wanted to do, or take on further education because it reminded me of school. And having a mother with a history of mental illness didn't help, passing on autism-alike disabilities on to the next generation, making things a lot worse.

It has also robbed me of my social skills, and the chance to get married and have a family, a la Article 12 of the Human Rights Act 1998. I have now been an adult for 25 years and have lived on my own with no family of my own for over half my life. This "milestone" had made me depressed over the Christmas and New Year that had gone past. I have got to the stage that even having a girlfriend now would be better than winning the lottery, but I have always said that it is always school that was to blame in all this - the main ingredient that can either make or break you for your adult life. It's ironic that school should be the place where skills should be picked up in order to benefit one's life in the long run.

This is why I don't post on here very often anymore - trying to look after number one.

[George 1978]

Re: Bullying

This was in the late 1980s - ironically, I had a similar problem myself but it was very mild and not at all noticeable - as early as November 1987 it happened, possibly due to school, and I knew that it was school-related as the final one was the year that I left in 1994.

I found a copy of a letter from my comprehensive school dated June 1993 and was addressed to a specialist my local hospital when accessing copies of my hospital medical records and mentioned that my then GP at the time diagnosed a similar condition along with school refusal.

[amethyst]

Re: Bullying

That must have been horrible for that lad George,I hate bullies and name calling

[George 1978]

Re: Bullying

Being in the final year of Junior school reminded me of this poor lad in the same class as myself who had been diagnosed with encopresis (faecal soiling) and he was called names as a result - he was often found crying in a corner of the room. I decided to stick up for him and become his friend at playtimes so that he had someone to talk to - he left the school halfway during either the spring or summer term to go to a more specialist school which could support him better than he his previous school could.

There was one moment when we were going back into the classroom and one lad said "ugh, it stinks in here", in which the teacher was not pleased about. Even after he left, some of the kids used an unofficial nickname for the boy.

[80sChav]

Re: Bullying

i cant believe it but sadly in a way im not surprised.it happens.

I cant imagine how tough it is being a teacher nowadays.

Is school any rougher now than it was thirty yrs ago.
Hard to say.

I don't know if it is or not to be honest Darren, as things these are becoming so Red Tape-ified - making kids be friends with others at School, it is atruly trickly call i think to make! Not as I am Red tape guuy but in it has to be a good thing - but then again, again I am unsure, as though i loved/hated School in equal dosages - going through those tough times taught me more of a life-story ofwhat to expect than anything ever, ever coulkd mate!

80sChav

[80sChav]

Re: Bullying

I am just glad that I left the education system 24 years ago. Tuesday 15th March 1994 to be precise.

Me too in 1993 , George - but there are so many things I'd want to do differently in hindsight!

[George 1978]

Re: Bullying

I am just glad that I left the education system 24 years ago. Tuesday 15th March 1994 to be precise.

[George 1978]

Re: Bullying

I am even against hitting back for the sake it, unless it is in self-defence and have not choice in the matter - for example, to restrain the other person and to stop yourself from getting hurt even more. A bit like the recent Tony Martin influenced debate about householders using reasonable force against burglars who have set foot into your home.

Teachers can be bullies, and they can also be victims of bulling themselves. I know that teachers can be victims of violence against pupils. and I would understand it if they carried truncheons just to protect themselves with just like police officers do, but I would not condone using the instrument to do a "six of the best" punishment on a child in a similar way to the cane was years ago. There is a difference between protecting oneself and playing the culprit at their own game.

[Donald the Great]

Re: Bullying

Somone mentioned bring back the cane. please do not. It is nothing short of capital punishment for a small boy. At boarding school the bosses would administer several lashes on the hands for the most petty of offences and the bare bum for more serious ones.. such as smoking. Bare bum.. I kid you not. It was almost agony. Could not sit for hours and I had the welts from the lash for days after and sometimes weeks.

[Twocky61]

Re: Bullying

I didn't get bullied much at secondary school but the school library was a great place to go at lunchtimes to be out of the way of trouble.

That's 'cause bullies are essentially not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree lol

They probably don't know what a library is; let alone a book lol

[Richard1978]

Re: Bullying

I didn't get bullied much at secondary school but the school library was a great place to go at lunchtimes to be out of the way of trouble.

[80sChav]

Re: Bullying

I really hate it when people are called wimps and sissies simply because they don't like violence and attacking people. I am certain that the NSPCC would also agree with me when I say that corporal punishment is the wrong way as to combating bullying as well.

My inner-city comprehensive school (which closed in 1995 because it was so close to another comprehensive school in the area and the pupils were going to the other school), had been a breeding ground for bullying that even a lot of the teaching staff didn't know that it was going on. It was ironic that I would have preferred to have been in detention at break time myself so that I wouldn't have to go in the school playground to "face the music" as it were.

Me too Georghe - I agree with Yourself and richard about the cane. Though as I have said elsewhere - I think schools are a lot lot sticter now and do find more and better way's/policy's to stop it now - even though these days there are many more factors like the net thown in and the like - but I do hear they try to use cohesion as the way forward (or that is the sense I have)

You are right too about Detentions at Lunch - I would sure rather have had one too than "face the music", as I feel (and always did find socialising) not easy ay School, and now - but more so at School - justy "talking in the yard", that was'nt and is not me today even - making idol chit chat. I would rather use (and then too) use my free time doing something worthwhile - even playing Footy (which though Football i guess can attribute to a way for bullies to bully) I guess my other contribuatory factors re; mixing, idol chatting never helped my case

The great amaing to think to come out of all those years a-go I think though is Me, You, darren and anyone else in this thread who suffered at a bullies hand have found each other in here as Friends (almost un-related blood Brothers) and that is awesome I think that DYR has linked us all this way

80sChav

[George 1978]

Re: Bullying

I really hate it when people are called wimps and sissies simply because they don't like violence and attacking people. I am certain that the NSPCC would also agree with me when I say that corporal punishment is the wrong way as to combating bullying as well.

My inner-city comprehensive school (which closed in 1995 because it was so close to another comprehensive school in the area and the pupils were going to the other school), had been a breeding ground for bullying that even a lot of the teaching staff didn't know that it was going on. It was ironic that I would have preferred to have been in detention at break time myself so that I wouldn't have to go in the school playground to "face the music" as it were.

[Richard1978]

Re: Bullying

And what will that achieve? In this day and age, the irony is that caning would be bullying as well, as it would be seen in the eyes of the law assault, and perhaps even in a sexual way, if the "six of the best" concept was used. I wouldn't use petrol to put a fire out, so therefore, I wouldn't assault someone as a punishment for attacking someone else.

How many times have you read in the news about former headmasters and principals who were based at boarding schools and children's homes in the 1970s and 1980s being on trial for assault and child abuse from 30 to 40 years ago? Sorry, but I don't agree - I might be going soft here, but I think that the best solution is excluding the persons or persons involved in the incident, so that they would be no longer be a pupil at the school.

I was watching the episodes of Grange Hill where Gripper and Imelda were expelled, and I have to say that with regards to Imelda, McClusky would have used the correct procedures to exclude her for what she had done. However, we did had the Cathy Hargreaves caning incident from 1981, which probably would have not been seen in the 1991 series.

And I am not one of those Guardian-reading liberals either - as a British citizen, I just believe in common sense and treating fellow people with respect, and if that seems outdated for the 21st century society that we live in, then so be it.

I agree totally, the main problem seems that some teachers seemed to be "Little Hitlers", abusing their position of authority in a way they never get away with if they were working with adults. On the flip side some teachers would either resign or refuse to use the cane if it was brought back, fearing being sued by parents.

My old school tried a "zero tolerance" policy, no physical punishments but detentions were dished out for any little thing. Most of the time it was the normally rule abiding pupils that suffered & the trouble makers just didn't bother going to the detentions.

All this achieved were parents constantly ringing up the school complaining their children had been unfairly treated & teachers either getting the "Little Hitler" bug. or else refusing to give out detentions because they knew it was a flawed system. In the end it was dropped & the Head resigned not long afterwards.